As SOHO nears and clears so many benchmarks, I have started to realize one thing, and it seems to reverberate through many of my brothers and sisters as I share it more, and have come to realize that I just have to put it out there.
I have a fear of success. I have no fear of failure, I can fail on epic proportions with style and grace. I have no fear of mediocrity or middle management, I can stay waste deep in the middle and perform 'average' with the best of them. I can go by unnoticed if I stay just under the radar. The issue is, I no longer believe that this is what I was designed for, in that right, what any of us were designed for. We were ALL designed to have gifts in different areas, and instead of working on our weakness, we are designed to operate in our strengths.
In that, do we ignore our weaknesses? I believe we should for the most part. Only working on them when it is something that could become debilitating if left unattended. I believe we should work hard enough on our weaknesses to negate them, beyond that we should let sleeping dogs lie.
I am going to move to first person at this point, so no one feels that I am attempting to assault anyone in any way for any weakness they may posses.
In my journey I have discovered that many great things are possible. In fact my personal belief, through God all things are possible. I have witnessed miracles, wonders, and signs over and over again. I have seen with my own eyes, on 2 seperate occasions, a mand of God pray over someone and heal broken bones. 2 seperate places, 2 different men, 2 different people that they prayed over. The first one, I saw the injury happen, I witness my Pastor, a great man of God and a dear brother to me, pray over the person injured. I then took the person to the hospital to have the bone x-rayed, the x-ray showed a very clear clean break. In the next day or so, I took her back to the hospital to have the break checked out. No more than 3 days later, no break. No noticable damage anywhere on the bone, no scar build up where the break should have been, no nothing. Just a healthy bone. The second time, a gal who came to church for her mother, not for her. Her mother wanted to be at the service, the gal came along 'just to check it out'. The daughter had been hit by a car a short time before, and carried the injuries from being hit by a car. A moment after she was prayed over, she took off her air cast, and was dancing across the stage.
You are probably asking why was it that one took days, and the other took moments. I can answer that, it was for me. I have always had a cynical side when it comes to faith healing, it isn't much of one, but it does rear it's ugly head. I grew up with my mother a nurse, who is a phenominal woman of God, and yet, I would attribute the miracles I heard of and saw, to medicine. When I stood in the room and looked at not only the x-rays, but the general perplexion on all the peoples faces that saw not only the gal who's leg was healed, but the questions and statements that followed. 'are you x-raying the same leg?' 'why isn't there any indication of stress or fracture?' 'this isn't possible'. I could no longer argue, I could no longer not see.
So why do I have a fear of failure? If God can heal 2 seperate people of injuries, why am I so afraid of operating and succeding in what He designed me to do. I have to say this, I just saying that I have a fear of success, I feel better, it's out in the open. In that, I am finding it staggering, how many people feel the same way. I must remember, through me not much is possible, but through God, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. So all in all, it is not my success, it's God's, and who am I to stand in His way. So I will just wake up in the morning, and the rest is up to HIM. Of course it's Him that gives me the gift of waking, so I guess, for me, I'm going to do my best to just leave it all up to Him, and go where ever He guides me, and do whatever He asks me to do.
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
-Philippians 4:13
And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
-Matthew 19:26
In that I know that there are many of you who are going to say, 'well, that's all fine and dandy, but what about all of the miralces, signs, and wonders that go undone' I will finish it with two quotes.
For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
-Romans 8:18
I often wonder why my life took so many wrong paths, highways, byways and such. The funny thing is, if I didn't go through all the crap that I did, there would be no way I could do what I do now. Now I think if something isn't happening, what have I or haven't I done that in turn is blocking it from happening. In that, the hardest part, is realizing that all of God's plans are perfect, and sometimes, things just have to happen that way.
-me
I love each and every one of you and God does too. LLLAKYFOTPA XD
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